i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
