sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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