i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
