everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
