god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
