is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
