i think i have two assholes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
