That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
