my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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