Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
