She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
