Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
