I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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