I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My feet surprised me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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