I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
