Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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