I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
