On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
