i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize