If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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