Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
