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• (248): View more from Michigan

  They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence

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• (909): View more from California

  it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  .....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...

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• (956): View more from Texas

  Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....

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• (631): View more from New York

  So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."

  (301): View more from Maryland

  That wasn't a compliment.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  im in the post action - pre consequence stage.

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• (415): View more from California

  The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar

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• (716): View more from New York

  It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma

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