There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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