You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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