i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
