remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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