I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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