I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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