Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize