dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
this is an emotional support booty call
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
