I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Non-Jews are for practice
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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