Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
