Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
