yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
