Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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