Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
