Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize