I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
