saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
