How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
organizing the empties. That sober.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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