All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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