At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
