I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
