My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
