I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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