This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
