at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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