Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
