just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
