i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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