and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
