new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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