I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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