i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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