a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
