After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she pinky promised me she was 18
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
