I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
