hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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