The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
