I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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