ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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