Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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