I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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