Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
