he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
