it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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