I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
