TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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